Sitting here at work at 1:00am while my baby is home sleeping comfortably in her crib. Just got done feeding a baby while Steve got to feed Ava tonight at home. It is my fourth night back at work. It has gotten a little easier, but is still difficult to get in the car and make the drive away from home - alone. Tears frequently make their way down my face while driving, but are dried by the time I start my shift. I am comforted by the fact that Steve is at home with Ava at night - being a terrific dad, fully capable of all fatherly duties. I know I am not the only one feeling this way. So many mothers work outside of the home and feel the same pull.
My job is rewarding and satisfying, but motherhood is so much more. I enjoy interacting with my friends at work, but know I would rather be home interacting with my family and enjoying my friends outside of work. I enjoy impacting so many lives in a positive way, but miss my daughter. I have found that I approach my job a little differently now that I am a mother - I think it has made me a better NICU nurse. I have a greater understanding of the emotions involved in parenthood. I have a greater understanding of what so many women do on a daily basis and am thankful that I work only 5 nights out of 14.
I am so thankful for the 3 months I had at home. I wouldn't trade them for anything. I could never have imagined the love I have for my beautiful daughter. The daughter the Lord has blessed us with - allowing us to love and cherish His child. What a blessing motherhood is. Thank you Lord such a wonderful gift - a gift I always knew I wanted, but never knew just how much!
Sunday, June 22, 2008
thoughts at 1:00 am
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7 comments:
Tears welling-up in my eyes!!!
You are so right! There really is nothing like being a mother ...... knowing that no one else can fill that spot quite like YOU! And an amazing Mom you are!!
...Yet, God has gifted you with an incredible sharp mind to be an excellent NICU nurse ..... and you do make a God-shaped difference in your workplace.
Steve is a blessing as well, because not every Dad is as willing as he is to fill-in for Mommy like he does!
Makes me think of the song "Count Your Blessings" .... name them one by one.
Oh my sweet dear friend! My heart is aching for you, the thought of you alone in the car......... know that you are not alone, our sweet Lord and Savior is riding right there with you in the passengers seat. Cry out to him when you feel alone. Know that you have been shaped and molded to do his work in an incredible job and a fantastic field. When you think about it we all need a nurse from time to time..........cry out to him to pick up the pieces and put them together in a way that is stronger and even more prepared to do his work! While your sweet beauty sleeps, you my friend are touching others and reaching out to them for our heavenly father! What a blessing you are.
Love and hugs
I admire what you are doing! I can only imagine how hard it is to go back to work after being able to spend so much time with your little girl. By you going to work you are helping other Mother's complete their dream of having a happy health baby! What a blessing you are to them!
What a blessing you are! I love you... you have become such an incredible person... and now an incredible mama!
Kirsten you are such a wonderful mother. I am so proud of you!!!
Ava is the luckiest little girl around! Love you!
Speechless!
God has given you so many wonderful gifts and those that are touched by your grace and beauty are forever changed!
I love you so very, very much!!
Dear Mommy,
Dont sweat it, I'm doing good when youre not around, with my knuckle-head dad. We watch the endless tales of Naruto, keep up on the haps' of what the sorry Mariners are going thru, and we even have dance-offs from the moves we learn from the competitions we see on Mtv. Sometimes I just watch him stuff his face with peanut butter and ice cream while I go hungry and starve, but I do get him back in the middle of the night with a little diaper suprise, serves him right!
For when youre down in the dumps on your car rides, I recommend the Fat Boys's Greatest hits or anything from the Village People, theyre critically acclaimed and talented, (the Indian was my fave)its never a dull moment, makes you want to dance or beat-box, ya heard!!
Your Lil' Munchkin,
Ava
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